Important Sidenote: This could be a totally deluded hypothesis, but maybe because our conversation began on a deeper level than that of most relationships, it would be unprecedented to converse on anything but. I've noticed, possibly erroneously, that he sort of avoids engaging me unless he aims to share something he's reflected on. Maybe he isn't avoiding conversation with me at all. Maybe he chooses his interactions wisely because I'm older and more sophisticated. HA! Truthfully, I have no idea why he doesn't ask me about the weather or a restaurant or my dancing for crying out loud, but he doesn't. It's not our thing. 

So today I had the fortune of extended conversation with Rick. It began as simply as me asking him how he was feeling and him responding that he felt tired. "Well, why are you tired," I asked, mainly because he always asks me questions like why? what is the reason? how? and how come? to which I am forced to think more than I'd planned that day. He responded that he was up late and should've gotten to bed earlier. "What were you doing up so late?" I asked, secretly giving him a taste of his own medicine. "Listening to music and talking," he responded. Of course he was! When I stay up to late I'm taking shots of Petron and debuting my newest moves amidst the disco lights on the checkered Southside dancefloor, but when Rick is tired it's because he was dissecting and exploring music and ideas with the precision of a high school biology teacher. Ugh. I'm so immature. And now because I'm feeling immature, I want to make him think even more, so ask exactly what he was discussing that required such a late night. (And Rick's drug free I might add.)

My sarcastic brickbats allude to both his level of maturity and my intense appreciation of his consistent internal examination, of which I'm forever impressed. Last night, Rick explained, he had a moment where he "looked himself in the eye." (Maybe this is his personal business that I shouldn't publicize, so I've changed the name to protect his privacy. Except that he doesn't seem at all like a Rick, and I've had to go back after finishing and finalizing the entire post, so I don't fail to capture even the tiniest bit of his true character.) Moving on, the POINT is that Rick said he "looked himself in the eye" and "really saw" himself, realizing at that moment what he had been doing and that he needed to change.  As of late, Rick had found himself judging other people and sort of putting them down to gain self-glorification for the strides he's made towards creating the man he wants to be and reaching some of his goals. Although he didn't want to accept it at first, he realized the flaw in question was indeed a flaw, and that tearing apart others for thier differences, inabilities and/or basic bullshitting does nothing for his own journey and isn't a respectable way to advance oneself. The verdict was in. The court adjourned.

Did I mention he's 21?!?!

Upon accepting a characteristic that Rick wasn't proud of - isn't rather, because we all know change doesn't happen over night - he decided that he would not live his life picking apart other people. Everyone jives at their own pace, and while some jive a little more quickly and efficiently than others (eh hem...let me clear my throat), different paces and different places make the flava of life. To each his mother fucking own. Live and let live. And in case you think this is some common life lesson, recurring emmadilemma theme or in any way obvious, may I remind you that we live in a world of full of fear of rejection and judgement. The two are evil enemies and BFF. Did you ever see Hancock? They are like the superheroes in Hancock - can't be together and can't be apart. (Okay, terrible analogy - Abraham Lincoln is turning in his grave with that awful analogy, but you get it. Oh, Lincoln was the master of analogies in caseyou didn't get that .) Anyway, we fear rejection because we reject/judge/evaluate/etc. Rick is wise beyond his years spawning a medium-epiphany - I have judged it so! - for the less we judge others, even those we see as superficial, plastic BS-ing flakes, the less we'll be confined by fear of judgement-based rejection in our own lives. 

Friday night I listened carefully while my handsome, dynamic dinner date explained that he doesn't like these kind of people and only likes [blah] kind of people and would rather hang out with x and y but not z beacause his friends don't like z - yadda, yadda, yadda. One of the great freedoms of life is that you may choose who to surround yourself with, but of more importance is the challenge to accept without regard the people you don't choose, those you judge and those who live differently. My 21-year-old friend has looked at himself and seen something that neither me nor my date have been able to either expel from or acccept in ourselves.  When you strip away all of the bullshit self-proclamations, and there are many in a city where everyone is striving to be someone and make something, you just have you. For Rick, what's left is a soulful essence, both radiant and soothing, creative and thoughtful, that will stay with him throughout all of the Ricks he can be. If I could bottle the amount of soul that radiates from him I would retire to St. Bart's and make the sexy with my ex-boat captain. For me it's an energetic essence lined with passion and carrying hope for all the world's inhabitants. For my Friday night dinner date it's an intellectual essence that aims to promote reason alongside an unceasingly idealistic, lustful search. For you, the way you express your own essence may fluctuate or stay the same, but in the end of the day:
"We measure ourselves by what cannot be taken away." -Mia Farrow 



*This post is dedicated to the many wonderfully complex men in my life who make me grow, encourage me to reach and remind me to never stop thinking.