"But honestly, you know who should for sure NOT have an automatic weapon? Dick Cheney," chimes in my other friend, mute and dazed up to this point. She looks at each of us for reassurance to the most factual opinion statement to date. 

"Don't they tell you to wear neon, like, bright colors when you're hunting so your friend doesn't shoot you in the face?" I don't know who is talking because I just heard "shoot you in the face," and I'm frantically searching my memory files to find one that confirms Cheney's friend was shot in the face. I'm coming up short. 

"Wait he shot his friend in the face?!" This is me, desperate for confirmation.

"That only works if you aren't a hundred and ten. And seriously, who the hell would want to go hunting with Dick Cheney after he shot his last hunting partner in the face."

"Really, it was in the face?! That's amazing." This is me, again, flabbergasted at my defective memory. 

"Didn't he shoot two dudes he went hunting with?"

"Yeah, he shot them both in the face!" Somehow I went from failure to confirm the face shot to bold reassurance that not one, but two, of Dick Cheney's cronies met the shot-in-the-face fate.

"Nooooooo....!" I insist, doubled over in hysterical laughter, which provokes a coughing fit. Now we're all picturing Cheney's second soon-to-be gunshot victim shaking in his boots, already terrified of being mistaken for a quail or deer or whatever then "BANG!" - shot to the face! That's really not funny. But I think, and someone correct me if I'm wrong here because I'm in a hurry and have no time to Wikipedia, that the last time a Vice President shot someone was when Aaron Burr shot Alexander Hamilton. Poor Hamilton died. To my knowledge that was an actual duel; although the legality of dueling at the time was in transition and Burr was tried but acquitted. (This part I'm pretty sure about.) If Cheney's incident was a duel, his buddy was certainly unaware and ill-prepared, so in that case, the dude should NOT have worn neon colors.

Cheney wasn't tried for shooting his friend in the face; although if he were, I think that like Burr, he would have been acquitted. Cheney's incident was an accident. He shot a dude because he's old, has bad eyesight, shaky hands and neurofibrillary tangles.  Anyway, a sitting Vice President wouldn't shoot a man. In all honesty, the majority of Americans are a peaceful people who avoid duels and face-shootings. Hell, I even tolerate heavy metal on an occasional Sunday afternoon, which happened to be this Sunday afternoon because Thompson Square Park thinks a great way to kick off your week is to watch a heroine junkie wheeled away on a stretcher while a kiddie scream band blows out your ear drums. But I applaud their, um, courage and am generally open and accepting of Bob Kreutz's favorite phrase "Different strokes for different folks." However, when it comes to automatic weapons, I'm going to have to go with a firm NO. You have to draw the line somewhere because handcuffing someone to a bed or adorning your entire apartment with bobble head dolls is all fun and games until someone's friend gets shot in the face -- and in the case of automatic weapons, when someone's friend is instantaneously reduced to ash.

So, in conclusion, taking preventative measures, like not allowing automatic weapons, might prevent extreme Vice Presidential accidents.  Unless the Vice President creates the accident by allowing the automatic weapons...in which case, the Vice President would actually be the accident.